


i'll hold you tight (and let you go)

by Verat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Not Beta Read, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1964841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verat/pseuds/Verat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James kissed Sirius three times. The first was a dare. The second was a wish. And the third? The third was a goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll hold you tight (and let you go)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing. And it has been a long, long time since I wrote something about Harry Potter. But I hope you like it?

_Just tonight I will stay and we’ll throw it all away (The Pretty Reckless, Just Tonight)_

The first time they kiss, Sirius’s lips taste like butterbeer. James tries hard not to frown at it but he’s sure his lips bow down anyway and Remus makes a choked sound, something between a gasp and a laugh, like he wasn’t really expecting James to accept the dare.

“ _Well, that was awkward._ ”, it’s the only thing Sirius says when they part lips — and maybe it’s because they’re a bit high or because it’s really funny (or maybe there is no reason); they all start to laugh.

They’re fourteen and reckless and Sirius’s lips taste like butterbeer — and James keeps laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

  


The second time they kiss, Sirius’s lips taste like candy. They’re hidden in Hogsmeade, somewhere near Shrieking Shack, and it’s snowing. It’s one of those nights where Peter can’t be found anywhere and Remus goes to sleep early — it’s one of those nights when he and Sirius, just them, use the invisibility cloak to run through the secret passages at Hogwarts together, giggling and sharing sweets.

It’s one of those nights when they’re fifteen and invincible and Sirius’s lips taste like candy — and if James interlace their fingers tightly and his heart skips a beat, well, no one needs to know.

  


The last time they kiss, Sirius’s lips taste like James’s tears.

“ _I know you don’t care_ ”, James tells him. If it was any other person he wouldn’t do it but it’s Sirius — if he can’t trust Sirius then he can’t trust anyone. That’s the whole point, right? “ _I mean, I know it doesn’t matter for you. But it meant something to me and I just… I wanted to ask you this. One last time._ ”

Sirius stares at him sternly but his eyes are soft. “ _Okay._ ”

They’re eighteen and grown and Sirius’s lips taste like tears — and James is going to marry Lily Evans.

**Author's Note:**

> Just in the case it got a big confusing mess: when James says he knows Sirius doesn't care, he's talking about kissing boys. In my headcanon Sirius can keep being straight but he's too open minded to bother about it (sometimes I swear that I think he's bissexual, then I realize that no, and then I don't know anymore). Anyway. And about James being with Lily? Well, here he loves both Lily and Sirius. But he can't reach Sirius, doesn't matter how hard he tries, and he knows it. He's not using Lily because he loves her too. In the end, he's just deciding to be happy with what he has instead of grieving for the rest of his life for a unrequited love. He moved on. And he's sad, of course he's sad, but this sadness will go away someday.


End file.
